Monday, March 24, 2008
I Love Disciplining My Daughter
Before I was a dad I was influenced with great understanding of biblical parenthood. I have always looked fondly forward to being a father, so I took this parenting advice very seriously. And I often would try to influence others with the same biblical insight. Inevitably, people would respond with statements such as, "Yeah, you say that now. You just wait. You'll change your tune." I really hate that (and still do). Still, I had never experienced being a parent and wondered how things might play out differently than I thought they would. Sure, my perfect plan for parenting looks good on paper, but what will I tweak when I'm actually standing there and I must take action? I am happy to say that I have had to tweak hardly anything. What's even more surprising is the ease with which I slid into the role of father. I even find myself loving to discipline my daughter. And I'm loving it more and more. She's not very old, but she definitely understands what no means. In fact, a couple of weeks ago a child snatched a toy from her hands. She told him, "No" and pointed to her hand (where my wife and I most often discipline her). As her father, that makes me proud and it encourages me to strive in discipling her consistently. When I make a statement like this people either look at me very oddly or reach for the phone to call social services. But, I truly do enjoy slapping my daughter's hand. Does this mean that I enjoy her defiant grunt or pain-induced cry? Certainly not. However, it does mean that I have been strongly influenced by a long view of things. When I spank my daughter it is as if I am teaching her right from wrong. Ultimately, this will culminate in a presentation of the gospel. I want her to see that it is good to choose right and that my love for her causes me to inflict her with pain for a little while. (Although, sometimes I think it is just as much a pride issue as it is a pain issue.) When done correctly, biblical discipline will (generally) produce great rewards. And I love my daughter too much not to slap her hand for doing wrong.
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5 comments:
OK gotta say something here...When you slap your daughters hand your not teaching her right from wrong you are teaching her consequences for doing wrong. Kudos for disciplining your child though
Hey there pnthrfan! I appreciate your desire to clarify. But, how would I teach my daughter right from wrong if she cannot understand sentences? Is it impossible to do? I don't think so. In disciplining her for her wrongdoing, she is slowly learning that there is a value system behind it. That's the big picture. Sure, in the moment she may only feel pain and recognize something as simple as "touch phone, bad" but I'm trying to take the long view. I'm praying that over time she will recognize the goodness of the value system that her parents hold and comes to value the God who is behind those values. Through consistency, love, and prayer I want her eyes to be opened to knowing right from wrong. If you have any other suggestions, please share. I am always looking for new ways to influence her positively.
Yeah, it doesnt mention the age, sorry about that...being consistent is the most importatn thing to do, I agree with you whole heartedly there.
How old is she? If you dont mind me asking.
If she is 2 or so, she would understand time out for the time being. Both of my sons took and are still taking that approach pretty well. I am trying to NOT spank them...
I have no real problem with spanking mind you, I mean I spanked my oldest (almost 7) less than a week and a half ago, after he directly disobeyed us, and did a pretty serious infraction.
Any physical punishment, either popping, striking, or simply spanking a child is an aggressive act, and also a last resort of punishment.
I would hope that my children are more fearful of disapointing my wife an I, than of any physical consequences...
PEACE!
Hi, again. Yeah, I hadn't mentioned her age, so I could see where that would be misleading. She is 11 months old and is responding super to discipline! Her mother and I are very thankful. I appreciate your method of discipline. Just this past month I was challenged with that method as I found “Pulpit” blog, which deals with parenting a lot. And personally, as I thought through what it might look like to not spank, I was troubled by Scripture. Darn that Scripture! JK (specifically, Proverbs 13:24) I couldn’t get away from spanking because of the clarity with which Scripture speaks about it. And while God doesn’t give us explicit instructions about how often to use “the rod” I don’t see that parents who wish to honor God (and their children) can avoid doing it. Mind you, there are some wonderful people who don’t spank, but sincerely have misunderstandings about it. However, as someone in the “know” about what Scripture so clearly says I cannot get away from it and not spanking is not an option. Personally, I begin by warning my daughter to ensure she understands my instruction, then I pop her harder with each act of disobedience. (The first one usually doesn’t phase her!) I don’t want to frustrate my daughter or drive her away from me at all! However, I want her to grow to appreciate how much I love her and, more importantly, my Lord THROUGH my loving discipline.
Prov 13:24 - He who spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is careful to discipline him.
Interesting topic, and I am late in the discussion. As some with a bit of knowledge on kids, I would warn pnthrfan on the idea of disappointment. When you teach your child to fear only disappointing you, you are in effect teaching them to fear man. You should allows seek to clarify that they are ultimately trying to please God as you are acting as an instrument for bringing about his role in your ministry as a parent. Teaching the importance of right and wrong through consequences is a life long lesson with value including a preliminary introduction to understanding the gospel. . . Just some thoughts. . .
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